Ok I'm just gonna say it.

Gwen got attacked...Or no, I shouldn't say attacked it wasn't so much his fault.

You guys know she had her meeting with Spike. Well he got controlled by a fairly scarily powerful Necromancer and he bit her,

Important things, she's fine and so is the baby. Trust me, we checked. A lot.

There were threats of actual bodily harm to anyone that checked wrong.

Spike's...recovering and Gwen's not moving, and well...I'm staying with them until I'm sure she's gonna be safe cause thing is...this was my fault. Only one with the sway to hire a Necro that powerful was Burge, and he wants me back on his side.

So till he's dead or finds a new hobby. I don't leave her side, cause it seems he ain't gonna kill me.

Its...interesting here. They won't let me have sharp things.

Happy Birthday Raiden.

You are the best thing in my life and though I can't buy you shiny things like usual. I just want you to know that I love you.

You saved me, so many times in so many ways and I'll never stop wondering what I did in a past life to deserve you.

[Filtered to Jou, Claire, Owen, Hakkai, Sanzo, Connor]

So we've learned I'm an idiot.

Guys. I really am sorry for the last few months. Not for...for hating him, but for how crazy I let things get. I pushed her away cause I didn't want to pull her down with me, turns out I needed her to keep me going.

He was gonna kill her and I just...I couldn't let it happen.

And in all the time he was threatening, offering me Angel. She just looked at me, trusting me completely.

So now, I'm in more danger than ever. Both sides hate me, both sides have valid reasons. I screwed over a lot of people to get where I was.

Raiden doesn't wanna believe how much danger I think.

Just...if anything does happen, I'm glad she knows I love her.

I'm glad I know I love her.



[Filtered to Jou]

I don't deserve for you to forgive me Jou.

But things got very dark very quickly and I got a little lost.

But I had no right at all to take any of my crap out on you and I did

I'm sorry kid.


[Filtered to Connor]

I'm probably never gonna be okay with you and I figure the feelings mutual. You came from a union that makes me sick to my stomach even to think about.

But I love her and I won't let any harm come to her or her kid.

Can you be okay with that?

I ain't gonna turn up in Santa Monica pretending to be a good guy. But I will be in her life.

[Private Entry]

When it comes down to it I'm a screw up.

I left Gwen more messed up than we started this swap out and its my fault. Like usual. All I had to do was sit, and wait for the thing to end, but no I used it, used her

She knows about Harmony and thats all kinds of nasty. I expected to feel nothing, like I been training myself to. Maybe it was being her, having her hormones and whatever else but...

She looks at me, that hurt in her eyes and I feel dirty, worse than I ever did working for Wolfram and Hart. Dirt that don't come off.

Raiden I'm sorry, and I love you.

But I can't give you what you need.

Not till he's dust.

Ok this is insane...

I can't do this, I can't control it like she can and I do NOT need this crap.

[Filtered to Raiden]

Raiden this ain't funny.

If I'm you then you're me...I know where you are, get out, get away, if you can read this....

....and its...kicking, is it meant to do that as often as it does.

I'm not dead.

Turns out hell is on the internet now. Something about witches and electricity.

I was shot. By a flunkie, Angel didn't give enough of a damn to do it himself. But its okay. I'm gonna make him notice.

[Filtered to Adam]

If it weren't for you I'd be dead.

I owe you.


[Filtered to Gwen]

Was it good for you too?

CNN reports late Wednesday Evening indicate that a disaster has struck the US City of Los Angeles. Reports are sketchy but it is believed that the city has been completely destroyed. The President has been taken to Camp David as terrorism is suspected.
International Military Agencies have declined to comment at this time except to say that all avenues must be explored before a cause can be determined.

No one has been able to access the city so reports of casualties have not yet emerged, reports as yet are sketchy and reports will follow.

[Filtered from Gwen,]

So you know the score...

Big fight, epic battle...and I get to kill things. Its inevitable really...in some ways maybe even my destiny....

Only I gotta work with Angel to do it. Shocker huh, it threw me too, but...this fight is bigger than either of us and when its done, he's giving me the keys to the kingdom, going back to the streets and the hero thing and I get Wolfram and Hart.

I can help Gwen...find a way to touch her

And hell this is needed. This fight, its been a long time coming and we just might, for one shining moment, make the big bads sit up and take notice.

I'm willing to risk it.

I'll keep her safe....I'll find her...cause i made her a promise.

I don't got any great fortune like she does, not anymore...

But if I don't come back take her to Oklahoma, Teach her to ride.

And tell her...

....Oh she knows....

See you on the other side guys.

[Filtered to Jou, Hakkai, Sanzo, Owen, Dean, Claire]

You guys are the ones Raiden tells me she considers family so I'm just gonna level with you all about whats going on.

We're gonna give being more than friends a try, there are so many reasons why its a bad idea but she kind of convinced me. Told me maybe I wasn't the irredeemable bastard I had myself convinced I was.

Thing is, after she left, And I don't want her knowing this...I got a visit from Spike...

Spike who has taken it upon himself to act like some kinda guardian to her. Told me I'd screw her over somehow, told me I'd end up hurting her and he didn't want to see it. Now he hates me anyway, and with good reason, I manipulated him, played on his ego and on Angel's insecurities to set Angel up...

And I'd do it again.

We ended up getting into a bit of a scrap and had to be pulled apart, I said some things I ain't proud of and I hate to say it but the vamp got me thinking.

I've done some awful things in my life. Things that ain't ever gonna be made right no matter how much I atone.

I got blood on my hands, more than anyone should, ruined good peoples lives with words in a courtroom, defended people so evil and guilty it made me sick to speak to them, I got them off murder charges and worse... I made deals for dark powers all for the purpose of revenge. Revenge that I won't, That I can't give up on. But were it not for Raiden I really would have believed I was heartless...

I will try every day to make myself worthy of her, To keep her safe and to keep her baby safe.

But you guys are her friends...no, her family.

If you think Spike's right...if you think there's too much dirt and blood that don't come off, I'll back off now. Before I hurt her too much more.

She deserves so much better than me, but she seems to want this to work as much as I do.

I just get so scared that Spike's right and I'll hurt her somehow.

This kinda makes me look bad...